At a recent press conference, Mike Halfman asserted his bold outlook for Ishtar on Beta’s upcoming season. “That’s right,” he reiterated, “2008 champs.” Losing by only one run in the semi-finals last year, Halfman is confident that Ishtar will be back in the hunt again.
Confirming rumors that the team explored options for a new league and location, Halfman assured fans that the team will once again return to Grant Park. “We looked for a more convenient venue at a lower cost, but were unable to find anything better. That, plus the fact that Mikey (Madden) seems to have a religious experience arriving at the lakefront on Sunday mornings to play softball.”
This year the team must weather the loss of veteran starter Amir Uddin, who retired to spend more time with new son, Zane. According to Halfman, this represents “a significant loss in the field, at the plate and the ratio of nice to nasty people on the team.” Though he was quick to point out that the deal was negotiated only on terms that “Amir teach Zane the game, and return to the field next year with both of them on the roster.”
With opening day just around the corner, Halfman reported that the squad will be ready and pre-season rituals are already underway. “We’re currently assessing vacation schedules, league fees, and most importantly not practicing,” he confirmed. “It’s taken fifteen years to perfect this formula for maximum amount of wins with least amount of effort…and I don’t want anybody screwing it up now.”
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